For example, say, "I really want to talk to you about something when you have a free moment. Don't rush them, let them make all of the points they feel they need to make, and try to get each of them to see the other's side. Try acknowledging this out loud, such as by saying, “I shouldn’t have raised my voice. For example, if your uncles are fighting because one of them made a passing joke about the other's job, chances are there is more going on. You were awful to me last week about the dishes, and now you’re being awful to me about going out with my friends!” will only escalate the argument and divert the conversation. The best way for arguments to be settled is for both sides to make their points respectfully, be willing to compromise, and accept the outcomes. Support wikiHow by wikiHow is where trusted research and expert knowledge come together. An example might be to say something like "I still do not think that I need a curfew, but I understand why you want me to have one, and I'll follow the rules.". The issue is about insecurity. For example, "As a person's career is so vital to their sense of self, maybe we should all use more sensitivity when joking about someone's job. Expert Interview. This article was co-authored by Tasha Rube, LMSW. 27 March 2020. family members who are usually pretty close. For example, "Uncle Dave, I'm hearing you feel like Clark was being condescending about your job. Tasha is affiliated with the Dwight D. Eisenhower VA Medical Center in Leavenworth, Kansas. For example, if your two uncles are fighting, maybe their kids are in the middle. We know ads can be annoying, but they’re what allow us to make all of wikiHow available for free. Listen to your parents’ point of view. Give everyone involved a break, but don't be afraid to revisit the issue down the line to see where areas of progress exist. This article has been viewed 102,446 times. Parents and their children often disagree. It's not productive.". There are many associations dedicated to counseling teen moms. Get the proven playbook to heal a broken heart. If you want something, make your case and present it. And as soon as you responded to your friend, he started yelling at you and saying your arguing. You may need to take time to reflect on your feelings and why you are feeling this way. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Missouri in 2014. She is also a Lecturer at Stanford Law School and an Adjunct Professor at Boalt School of Law, Hastings College of the Law, and Mills College's MBA Program. Please help us continue to provide you with our trusted how-to guides and videos for free by whitelisting wikiHow on your ad blocker. If you really can’t stand to see another ad again, then please consider supporting our work with a contribution to wikiHow. For example, you might not agree that having a curfew is necessary at all, but this does not mean that your parents are wrong for instating a curfew. She is the past Chair of the California State Bar Alternative Dispute Resolution Committee, served as the President of the Association for Dispute Resolution of Northern California (formerly NCMA), and was a member of the Board of Directors for the Mediation Society of San Francisco. I could also check in via text and have Rachel's mom call you.". Explain your feelings to your parents in a respectful manner, and repeat them if you don't feel that your parents understood the first time. Emphasize what you've done that should reduce their concerns. Use, For example, "Uncle Dave, you seem really tense about seeing Uncle Clark for Thanksgiving. She doesn't want to keep the kid, and he does. See if you can get them all together and serve as a mediator while they discuss the argument. She can get help even if she decides to give her baby up for adoption. Say something like, "Uncle Clark, you're starting to raise your voice" or "Uncle Dave, you shouldn't use words like that. To give you a little more info, there's only 1 time in my life when my parents thought they had a "conversation" and not an argument with me. Try to think about how you would react hearing about the conflict as an outsider. An example of expressing yourself through an “I” statement would be to say something such as “I feel like I get to go out much less than other people my age,” rather than saying “You never let me go out as much as my friends go out.”. We use cookies to make wikiHow great. Remember not to try to shout over them when they raise their voice. Oftentimes, a conflict between two family members affects everyone in the family. Her boyfriend doesn't have anything. Tasha Rube is a Licensed Social Worker based in Kansas City, Kansas. How do you think other family member's felt about some of your actions? Keep in mind that it might take several conversations before a situation is better. ", For example, if your parents’ think that going out every Friday night will interfere with you spending time with the family, you might address their concern by saying something like “I know that family time is important, but I need time to be myself, too. There are 14 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. ", Instead of raising your voice to talk over your parents, listen carefully to what they are saying and then reply in a calm tone with something like “I understand your concerns, but let me explain my side, please.”. If there is an ongoing dispute between family members, you may want to mediate to make everyone's lives easier. Examine why both parties feel wronged and hurt. She has a BA in Psychology from Wesleyan University and a JD from the University of Michigan. This article has been viewed 29,715 times. Find a safe place in your home. I think this will give everyone a chance to let some of this go and move forward.". However, remember you cannot force someone to feel a particular way. Please help us continue to provide you with our trusted how-to guides and videos for free by whitelisting wikiHow on your ad blocker. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Missouri in 2014. Encourage everyone to go into the situation with empathy. Family conflict affects everyone. 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