During the school year, weekends were spent at her house, and it was often she who picked me up from school. A person’s personality comes over time as they grow. I thought I was ‘doing okay’???? Whether it’s your personality type, economic situation, residential living conditions, or support system. Change ), You are commenting using your Facebook account. Both of these continuing bonds illustrate Klass, Silverman, and Nickman’s (1996) concept of continuing bonds as active relationships, as opposed to static memories. At the church, in place of the coffin, there was a framed picture of my aunt in front of the urn carrying her ashes. Throughout this whole process, the thought that my aunt could die never crossed my mind. custom paper from our expert writers, Personal Reflection on the Loss of my Aunt. Mallon (2008) remarked that this type of grief can be experienced by the person who is dying as well as their family. I wondered if my aunt knew how much I loved her and how much she meant to me. Each of these theories seems to conceive of grief as a linear process: there are stages that an individual must pass through on the way to accepting, or adjusting to, their loss. The author mentions qualitative research that has shown that these memorials are “often creative and highly idiosynchratic [sic], reflecting the tastes and the emotions of the family involved” (Bradbury, 2001, p. 221; cited in Valentine, 2006). We use cookies to give you the best experience possible. This personalized service falls in line with a characteristic of modern-day Western memorials cited by Valentine (2006). For me, the model that fit the best was Bowlby’s attachment theory and four phases of grief. ( Log Out /  London: Hogarth Press. At the time, the last thing any of us could think about was eating, and I thought how bizarre it is that when someone dies, friends and neighbours rush over with casseroles and hams. I don’t feel we ever ‘get over’ significant losses, for they shaped who we are and what followed in their aftermath are millions of ripples with vast repercusssions far too deep and complex for one finite human mind to ever fully understand. Bowlby, J. Now, I am very appreciative of their kind thoughts. Even if the loss is as simple as the loss of a job, or perhaps a beloved cat, or friend, a partner, a mother or father, sister or brother, or sadly a child, it is love that binds us, it is love that makes life and death worthwhile. I got off the phone and bought a plane ticket for the next day. Valentine (2006) remarks that bereavement has been traditionally marginalized and that the primary goal of grief counselling has been the severing of ties and attachments with the deceased. These are questions there will never be any answers to. My father died on this day 33 years ago. I present this process more-or-less chronologically, bringing up relevant theories of loss along the way. Because she was cremated, there was no visitation. until the hairdresser who did Mum’s hair for many years hugged me on Friday when I got the appointment wrong and something I was holding in began to burst out. I felt so guilty for thinking that all my little stresses were so important that I couldn’t take five minutes to call my aunt and wish her a happy birthday. No matter the type of grief or loss one experiences or suffers in some way or another, love is at the heart of the felt experience. There was even more food (including seven hams) in the refrigerator and freezer. Scholars All of the reminiscing my family did gave me an outlet for my preoccupations with thoughts of my aunt. Grief, loss, and death are all emotions and experiences that we often associate with negative life events. An individual’s process will be determined by their relationship with the deceased, the support of family and friends, cultural and societal factors, and how they are able to re-interpret their relationship with the deceased. This kind of paragraph development premises its explanation on the familiar or known,. My life was very hectic at that time, and I didn’t get a chance to call her for a couple of days. A persons personality is unique to that person there are no two people in the world that have the same personalities. At the house, someone had laid out plates and plates of food. The second continuing bond is related to the first. I am very grateful that they were there for me, but at the time, all I could think about was how much I wanted to be with my family. Thanks for sharing this. The call came at work on that morning of a working week around 10 am, I think it was a Thursday. I was geographically distanced from my family, and all I wanted to do was be with people who had known my aunt, who understood what a wonderful person she was, and who knew how much she meant to me. Now that I am fully able to embrace this idea, I feel that I have moved through the grieving process, at least for the primary loss of my aunt. Hooyman, N. R. & Kramer, B. J. I was on the phone with my mom, and I couldn’t say anything. Kubler-Ross (1997) developed a five-stage model for the grief process: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. can use them for free to gain inspiration and new creative ideas for their writing assignments. (2006). In this time of sorrow, what are some resources that you can share with one another?